Monthly Archives: March 2012

A leap of faith.

The leading cause of death worldwide, accounting for more than 7.6 million deaths annually.

Numbers of deaths expected to rise 13.1 in 20 years.


What is there to say about this disgusting life and family wrecking disease that brutally causes suffering and usually murders?

It is difficult to comprehend that this ‘murderer’ arises from only ONE SINGLE CELL!

Throughout my childhood years, I have heard people saying ‘ya haram ma3ha saratan’..or ‘only 30 and has last stage cancer’, these phrases came like the breezing air, and I never really thought about it. This also added up to being raised in Amman, not a very developed country, and as statistics have showed that cancer deaths are high  in low- and middle-income countries, like Jordan. Things have changed though, and nowadays, awareness campaigns have been distributed all around Jordan, giving advices and tips on how to prevent the risk of having cancer, even if by a small percentage.

My own personal choice to neglect even reading about cancer changed when it invaded the body of someone really special to me. I can only say, that out of experience, the acceptance of this invader, this soul wrecker, is nearly impossible. It is really hard to see someone suffer being a victim of this, ruthless, remorseless villain, and all you can do is sit down pray and give them comfort.

Anoud Hindawi, is an inspiration, and I believe the whole world should know her story, or lets say the people who are reading this.

Anoud, a classmate and special friend of mine, was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago, and was cured after several chemo sessions. Two years after, meaning we were grade 9, her cancer came back. And it came back stronger than ever, but not stronger, not an inch stronger of her positive attitude and determination. After two years of suffering and frustration, Anoud told me ‘I have decided to take this experience as a happy go lucky journey, intended to leave my positive attitude as my first priority, badia’. I prayed for this girl, with all my heart and soul, an innocent angel should not suffer from this disgusting disease, she should be with us, enjoying grade nine and school. Anoud made wigs look like the new fashion trend, her face shone like the sun itself, and she never ever made you feel that she is sick or in pain. A year passed and Anoud came back to school, still with her cancer status unknown. Last year, we received great news; Anoud is completely cured. I still remember the message she sent me that day, she was very happy, she told me her doctor has told her : ‘for the first time, Anoud, you are 100% free of cancer, cured with not one single cancer cell’. It was the most amazing message I have ever received. Last night, I was thinking about cancer, and what it does to us human beings, to the victims of it and the people whom surround them, so I asked Anoud, and she told me ‘being strong and faithful is the most important thing, being optimistic is the key to success in this tough journey, and here you go, I’m standing on my knees today clear from all what’s called cancer’.

Reading that phrase made me wish and pray that my special person will be able to say these words to me, soon, very soon. Actually, let us all pray that everyone, each and EVERY soul can pronounce these words. Let our world be cancer free. Let us not fear it, but fight it. Let us not allow cancer patients to feel different around us, but feel loved. Let us give tender, and kick out illness. Our world is becoming a wicked jungle, and all what we have left is each other, and of course faith. Let us believe in EVERY single patient, even if it was last stage cancer, let us believe he/she can be healed. Let the doctors provide extreme care to each and every patient, each and every child, each and every human soul. We are all humans, equal, and therefore we all require equal medical treatment. Putting a smile on a cancer patient’s face, is the most amazing thing in the world. They go through a roller coaster of emotions, and that is why we need to have empathy.

I salute Anoud Hindawi for her courage, positivity, inspiration, faith, hope and the never ending fountain of support she now gives cancer patients. You will do great things in your life, you are only 17 and you have already defeated an angry enemy, won a difficult war and ended up alive, stronger and healthier than ever 🙂

Always always pray people, have faith in each other. BELIEVE in miracles, I know its hard, but that is my personal mission from now on.

I wish one day, the only definition of cancer, would be to describe one of the zodiac signs.


The iceberg under the surface.

Suddenly, my Facebook home page and twitter timeline were massively filled with people, all ages all interests, sharing the most recent youtube dilemma ‘Stop Koni’. People who used to share useless bumper stickers, post pointless statuses and publish random pictures suddenly shared this youtube film with the title ‘STOP KONY’. It is kind of encouraging, comforting, to see that all types of people, even kids, were posting the, what now is a common statement around us, ‘STOP KONY and MAKE HIM FAMOUS’. I strongly recommend everyone to watch this short film as it is really a true wake up call to what is happening around us.

I like to think of our world as a jungle. Stop Kony really opened my eyes into stuff that were not that obvious to me.

Yesterday, my C3 mathematics mark arrived from Edexcel’s board of examination in England to my school. I would like to mention here that the british educational system is one of the longest and toughest systems ever. It all starts from Grade 9, four years, four complete years are spent in doing past papers, checking syllabuses, doing solomon and trying to predict questions. A-level students would also get when I say there is a clear gap between grade 10 and 11. So anyways, as an a-level student, I became used to the distribution of results and the anticipation it brings. Stress comes first, then once your eyes are set on the paper, you either feel happy or dissatisfied. No matter how many times you have done it, that moment, that specific moment before you get your paper, is the worst in the world, or that was what I thought it was.

Being an A* student for almost all my life, I have been always used to being a high achiever and never saw a mark below 90 on that paper. Until yesterday.

I saw a B, and what followed the B was something worse, I saw two numbers, two numbers that probably broke my heart; 71/100 %. I remained  silent for 3 or 4 hours, I couldn’t digest what I have seen or what I have read. My heart skipped beats and my mind was angry, with myself. It was maths, my favourite subject, the only subject I felt comfortable with. Even though, this mark doesn’t affect my university admissions nor my goal which is an A in total, I was disappointed.  Frustration came in next, and so on. Until noon, that is when I felt so much of an ignorant, a brat actually.

I opened the laptop out of depression and frustration and decided to see that film ‘Stop Koni’ and understand more about it. When I finished watching it, I felt SOOOOO STUPID!

A kid called Jacob, whose brother was murdered in front of him by the army of Joseph Koni, was uneducated. His one and only dream was actually to go to school, to continue studying and become a lawyer.

And here I am, crying and dwelling on a mark that didn’t even define me. And here is Jacob, crying over the scene of his brother’s slaughter and the murder of his people. At that moment, I had some kind of comfort in my heart, I had everything I ever dreamed of in my life, and I was worried about getting a B or an A in a useless exam.

I prayed that night, I prayed that God would drown these kids with his mercy, that these kids, and every other kid would have a warm home to sleep in. My heart ached, not because of that 71, but because of the cruelty the people have to suffer from.

Our earth is a jungle, people have their priorities shuffled. Last night on twitter, Stop Koni was trending worldwide along with the release of a new apple product. I am not against technology nor its immense distribution nowadays, but I am against when it is not used to serve and help humanity, but to harm it. I really hope that Joseph Kony is stopped and arrested, and the children of Uganda will be, one day, able to play in their neighbourhood freely, without the fear of being abducted and murdered brutally.

Just wanted to tell you that marks are not important, nor are exams. Be kind to one another, be graceful and most importantly, always try to make a difference. Eventually, that will be all what matters.

Thank you God.

Where rainbows end.

If you read books by Cecilia Ahern, you would definitely know what my title alludes to. Friendships! ‘Where rainbows end’ is a book written to prove the following quote : ‘true friends can grow separately without growing apart’. What is amazingly depressing about the book is that these two close friends remain far away from each other until they reach the age of 50. However, upon reaching that age, they reunite like there wasn’t a huge time gap that separated them from their bond. This book has been one of my favourite books throughout my teenage years and I don’t think it will ever stop being one. A friend of mine, who actually gave it to me to read, thinks it’s TOO depressing and painful. I always disagreed with her, and wondered how can someone find this book frustrating? Now I get it.

With school coming to a permanent end in few months, it feels bitter-sweet being a senior. I can’t really describe my high school years in words, they were um, you can say a drama thriller roller coaster. Yes, that is exactly what it was. Like a theme park, when you think you have reached the top, you suddenly fall, harshly. Friends, well that word, its definition changed over time. As a kid, I thought friends were the people you went to school with, the people you work on school projects with, the people you talk to about fun and games. As a teen, things were not that innocent anymore. You discover that friends are backstabbers and selfish. The people you thought will remain in your life forever, prove to be the people you will actually forget. I am not talking about everyone, I am just generalising. Throughout high school, you get to meet more people, meet new personalities, some you wish will never change, and some you pray they do. Whoever knows me, knows I love my school. I can name every class every corridor every teacher every cleaner every corner, I can even tell you the number of nails each chair has. I am personally attached to my school, and I really do feel it is my second home, no matter what hardships it has brought me. 3 months, only THREE months and it will all be over. June and July will be filled with chaos, graduation dinners and prom. But does it really matter that much? Picking the perfect dress, the perfect hairdresser, all this for events that will only mark the end, the end of HIGH SCHOOL.

I really cannot wait for it, for all the drama, the backstabbing, the gossiping, the useless talks, the selfishness and the usage of one another, to end. Will I regret this? regret rushing things, especially in my senior year? Will I miss my ‘friends’, ‘teachers’ and all the drama? I most definitely will. But everything comes to an end. Each rainbow has its end point. And ours is just months away.

30 years from now, how will my relationships be with the people from my high school years? how will my whole life be? These are questions that ONLY time can answer, and with time, we will know, we will know if we are all friends like Ahern’s book, or if our friendships are rainbows with no significant end.

Depressing, I know 😦

The blue eyes that changed my life.

Growing up in Jordan, it wasn’t unusual to see ‘poor’ people begging around each and every corner you pass through. I actually never consciously thought about it, I never stopped a minute and thought who are they ? what are they doing? are they really forced to beg? or do they do it willingly?.

As a child, I would answer those questions that would arise from my subconscious mind “they are lazy badia, if they really wanted money they would go work”. With this answer, I would end the argument and prevent any future curiosities.

However, a little innocent blue-eyed boy changed everything I ever thought of, changed the way I looked at life and he made my problems look insignificant. It was a normal friday. Streets empty at the early morning and I was going with my mum to get something from my grandmother’s house. As we were just about to park in front of the house, we saw something extremely tiny, I didn’t know what it was until we approached it. He was a tiny blonde boy, with blue teary eyes that can capture your heart. The boy was crying, and I am not talking about the type of crying that a girl would cry if she breaks up with her boyfriend, not the type of crying that a boy cries over his broken toy, and definitely not the type of crying that I usually do.

His tears were full of pain and agony. He was 6 years old. A SIX YEARS OLD can really cry! That moment, I knew that this six year old little soul leads a life of sadness. As we drove further away, my heart couldn’t stop beating, the voice inside me couldn’t resist the idea of leaving that kid on the floor, and yeah it was winter, freezing cold. I knew my mum couldn’t handle leaving either, and without talking, without even telling her, she saw the look in my eyes and changed the driving gear into reverse.

We spent more than 15 minutes trying to make him talk to us, eventually, we found out that his father has just thew him out of the car, ordered him to get money and then return home in the evening, all alone. Upon hearing his story, more than a million thoughts occupied my head. Anger came out first. My mum tried to offer the kid a ride, but I guess the child has been warned about talking to strangers and accepting rides. His eyes showed the reluctancy, but his heart reflected his desire, his desire to learn, to eat, to be warm, his desire to LIVE.

We gave him some money and a pack of biscuits that we had in the car, and he went off walking. That boy left us but he took my heart with him. I don’t think I will ever forget his face, his eyes, the weak smile he gave us when he saw the money. And ah, he was expected to go back home ALL ALONE, all the way from Deir Ghbar to this weird place that was more than an hour away. That moment, my only wish was authority. I wish I held some kind of authority to find his father and throw him in jail due to his child abusiveness. I badly wanted to help that kid, to go home with him, put him in a school, buy him decent clothes and give him the life HE deserves.

A question popped into my mind that day, my wishes for that boy, did they appear in the intention of helping him? or helping myself?relieving my conscious.

Answer to that is both. That boy deserves life, and every little boy/girl like him. They lead a hard life. That day gave me one realisation that was always in front of me but never looked that obvious. It is really more than OK to fail an exam, to get a C instead of an A, to go to school with a ‘bad hair day’, to find that the lunch your mum cooked for you wasn’t something you liked, to break up with a boy/girl friend, to fight with your best friend, to argue with your parents, to be hit by your brother, to stay home all summer vacation, not to do anything interesting or leave the country for a year or two, to wear something that makes you look fat, to actually gain a couple of kilograms..If I wanted to continue I would never finish. Our daily problems that we nag about is NOTHING compared to the life that little boy and others live. We are actually in a blessing.

I thank God I met that boy, but then again, his image keeps floating in my mind, and every night I pray that he is having a good night sleep. I am determined to reach a position of authority in my country, and look for that boy, and give him the life he deserves, even if its 20 years from now.

Dear who ever is reading this, especially me if I one day forget:

If you have a roof over your head, a loving family, a warm meal, a cosy house, money in your pocket, pennies under your couch, snacks to enjoy, school to nag about going to, parents to argue with, and most importantly, health. If you have one or more of the above, then you are probably the luckiest person in the whole wide world. Be thankful always :).

Just a thought I was tempted to write about.

To be or not to be.

As part of my English Literature class that I am taking at school, us students are expected to read and analyse Hamlet, Shakespeare’s longest play ever. While reading it, I went through a whole lot of extremely complex monologues that I spent time comprehending. Upon reaching Act 3 scene (i), I found myself in front of the most famous line in English Literature: ‘To be, or not to be’. What Shakespeare meant by these words could be seen from different angles and explained in various ways, each in his own unique way. One obvious thought that Shakespeare wanted to send, is death and suicide. After reading this soliloquy more than five times, I got it. Shakespeare, I suppose, wanted to transmit the thought of afterlife. What was also weird about it is that there is no ‘I’ or ‘am’ in the passage, Shakespeare, instead, poses the question as a matter of philosophical debate. When he claims that everybody would commit suicide if they weren’t uncertain about the afterlife, it sounds as if he’s making an argument to convince an imaginary listener about an abstract point. Are we that stupid?. Would human beings really end their life if they were comforted with what was coming after?. Hamlet was written more than 400 years ago, and this line still applies to our current world. People are always doing things with the thought of afterlife, always thinking about the consequences and results.
I, personally have this very annoying habit of thinking about every result that could occur if i do a certain thing. This habit, or lifestyle, has caused a lot of problems for me, it has brought me sadness and regrets. Regrets that I didn’t do this and that.
I have always thought of my words, what I should say and how to say it.
I have always thought of people and if they really do like me or they are only pulling on a mask. All of this gave me a hard life to lead and as much as I want to stop it, it keeps coming back, stronger and stronger.
Should we always reconsider our actions and think them thoroughly before doing them? Or should we just go ahead and DO IT? do life, live life, happily and without regrets.
It was just a thought that popped into my mind, and try reading this.

‘To be or not to be that is the question’.
And my question to you, is all our thoughts worth the burden we are carrying?.

World Peace.

To live in this cruel world is an impossible mission failed by most of the population. To talk about achieving peace seems easy to world leaders, but actually doing it is complex to all. However, this ‘achieving peace’ process can be extremely trouble-free without any complications. It can be completed
without bombing nor hitting. Without verbal abuse or physical one. Without violence. We can live in this world and achieve our anticipated peace. This statement seems dull, but through life experience you come to realize that every single person can contribute immensely in this process on a daily basis, as he communicates with people of different sex, race, religion and nationality. If this communication is to be established in our lives then one day, we will realize the fact that if you believe in your dreams, if you believe in others abilities, if you laugh through the journeys of life, if you have enough courage to stand up for what you believe in, if you include inspiration and hope for everything you and others do, if you give others the freedom they need and live in yours, if you love yourself and others, if you work in beauty and kindness then you have changed the world.

Have faith in yourself and fairytales will come true.

Hello word press !

I have been told, throughout my high school years that I write well, or that I have been born to be a journalist. However, I never look at writing as a task to be done or work that I should complete. Delving into abstract ideas and trying to wrap my mind around complexities that are neither black nor white is a great passion of mine, and I am determined to change the world through it, as much as it sounds cheesy. My blog will be about whatever news or events I stumble upon.